Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
