Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
