All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
