I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
