I accidentally had phone sex last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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