Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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