Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
