I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
