So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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