When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
