maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
