Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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