I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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