Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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