U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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