Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
