Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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