guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
