So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
