I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
