My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
