Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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