the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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