He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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