Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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