By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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