Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
