Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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