Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
