Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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