i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
