my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Let's get the cat blown out
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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