she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
