its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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