It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
