Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
