I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
