Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
