Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
