I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
