I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
