I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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