dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
