he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
