I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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