If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
a search helicopter?!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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