I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
