my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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