her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
