Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
