Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
