You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
