Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize