the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
