I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
