I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
