Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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