Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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