they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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