so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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