He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
