There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
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Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.