Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...