I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!