i was rollin on her like bob the builder
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.