so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?