I love black thongs
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.