i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will pee on everything he values.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Randomize
