I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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