we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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