ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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