The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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