I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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